This year there are 40 bowl games (41 if you count the Natty). That means there will be a lot of football and highlights to watch long after you unwrap your last present. To me, these games aren’t meaningless. The games may be irrelevant in relation to the College Football Playoff and determining the National Champion, but if that’s the standard then so are most games played between Group of Five Schools. The bottom line is that these games feature good football that rewards teams for having a successful season (although sometimes it may have been a 5-7 season). It’s another chance for them to compete and add a punctuation mark to their resume. For some players, it can be the highlight of their career since they likely didn’t win a Conference Championship and only 2% of them will go on to play at any level of professional football. Although I enjoy the football, some of the Bowl names are ridiculous. Below is a list of the best ones from 2017.
Honorable Mention – Academy Sports + Outdoors Texas Bowl: Texas vs. Missouri
The name isn’t actually that bad. I just find it ironic that this game is being played INDOORS in a stadium. Should’ve thought that through Academy, but then again, I guess Dick didn’t think much about using his name either. To his credit, the internet didn’t exist when he founded the franchise, but how much money does Dick’s have to spend to keep little Johnny from ending up somewhere he shouldn’t when googles “dicks”.
7. Franklin American Mortgage Music City Bowl
This name just doesn’t roll off the tongue very well. I mean I guess it’s better than the Homepoint.com Music City Bowl of 1999, but I feel like this could be a classy bowl with the right sponsor. I honestly thought this was Franklin Templeton’s Investments Mortgage branch. News Flash, it’s not!
6. Military Bowl Presented by Northrop Grumman: Virginia vs. Navy
The name really isn’t that bad, but one of the participates is. Navy has lost six of its last seven games and Virginia has lost five of its last six. Bowl games are supposed to be matchups between teams that are peaking and don’t play too often. Well, Navy and Virginia aren’t playing that well. The game is also in Navy’s home stadium at Annapolis. Instead of going somewhere cool and rewarding their players, Navy is playing at home and Virginia won’t even hit a toll during their two hour drive there. Instead of getting to go to Hawai’i or the Bahamas after a long semester, the midshipmen will be spending most of their Christmas break on post in their barracks.
5. San Diego County Credit Union Holiday Bowl: No. 18 Washington State vs. No. 16 Michigan State
This is another bowl that suffers from having the wrong title sponsor. I mean the Poinsettia Bowl has a great ring to it. Orange, Rose, Cotton, Sugar, Poinsettia. If you don’t think too hard the root name seems like it belongs hosting one of the better matchups. Maybe the bowl gift will be a prepaid debit card so players can get exactly what they want. But as Lee Corso always says…
That’s right, you forgot the $19.99 non-regional activation fee, plus you won’t be able to find an ATM to use it once you’re outside of San Deigo. Better cash out there boys!
4. Dollar General Bowl: Toledo vs. Appalachian State
I’m not trying to discount DG because they are always conveniently around the corner when you need something, but nothing screams high-quality football more than a discount store as your title sponsor. While some guys are spending $450 at Best Buy or Belk, players in this bowl are busy clipping coupons on their Dollar General $25 shopping spree.
3. Walk-On’s Independence Bowl: Southern Miss vs. Florida State
It’s hard to get any worse than this. It sounds like they rounded up the nations top walk on’s from around the country and put them in an East vs. West Game. It’s also cringe-worthy see the recently dominate FSU in this mop-up game. Brett Farve may not be playing for Southern Miss, but you better believe they are going to be gunning for an upset.
2. Bad Boy Mowers Gasparilla Bowl: Temple vs. Florida International
This lawnmower company that claims it is “CERTIFIED BADASS, BABY.” They also have the same name as Diddy’s record label. Even better is the fact that the game is BEING PLAYED ON TURF. There will be no live demos of that badass mower. Wondering where the Gasparilla part of the name comes from? Well it has nothing to do with Grass or Football. It pays homage to a fictional pirate that is celebrated during a festival held in Tampa every year. This bowl has always delivered with great names which included the magicJack St. Petersburg Bowl (a USB drive), the St. Petersburg Bowl presented by Beef ‘O’ Brady’s, the Beef ‘O’ Brady’s Bowl, the Bitcoin St. Petersburg Bowl, and then the St. Petersburg Bowl. Isn’t sad to think that if you have only invested $100 in bitcoin at the time of the bowl instead of making fun of it you would have made $6,168. Investing $100 in Jan 2011 would have made you over $6,000,000. Go ahead and eat your heart out with the What If Bitcoin Calculator, but don’t forget to come back and finish reading this article!
1. Cheribundi Tart Cherry Boca Raton Bowl: Akron vs. Flordia Atlantic
What is a Cheribundi Tart Cherry? Well, I researched their website and discovered they are a sports juice company that was created after a former professional tennis player snacked on tart cherries and discovered that his back pain was eased. WHO SNACKS ON TART CHERRIES?? Technically this isn’t a misplaced sponsor, like Bad Boy Mowers, since the product fits the market. They could have at least shortened the name to the Cheribundi Boca Raton Bowl. In the end, Cheribundi may have the last laugh as this might be a brilliant marketing move intended to educate the broader sports audience. I can hear Lavar and his $3 Billion Valuation saying “all press is good press.” Several elite level athletes in other sports are already guzzling this stuff down like a $0.79 orange soda from Good Burger. Aly Raisman drinks it…
Here are some additional Bowl Names I would like to see next year:
- Addiction Network 1-800-555-1234 Rehab Bowl
- Pepto-Bismol Clean Bowel Bowl
- Fudrucker’s Onion Ring Bowl
- Jos. A. Bank 3-for-1 Blowout Sale Bowl
- McDonald’s McRib Bowl #ItsBack
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